Life After Lily

      The transition from being to pregnant, to being a Mother has been very difficult. I've endured more struggles with the transition than I could have ever imagined. The hardest thing has to be able to get out of bed and take care of myself and my daughter. The past four weeks of my life have been the Postpartum depression has been a very serious issue for me-it hit me early, and it hit me hard.

       The first 2 weeks my daughter was I was miserable. I spent all day in bed crying- pausing only to resentfully feed my daughter. After many days filled with tears I visited my Doctor. She put me on anti-depressants, and later upped the dosage after little improvement. Caring for a child when you can't even take care of yourself is such a struggle. Everyday is a still a struggle. Overwhelming sadness, and anger takes over fairly often- and it's so difficult to deal with. Some days are harder than others to make ti through. I'll share the best advice i've received to help deal with this. Set small goals when things get tough- make it through the month, week, day, or even hour. Some days I have just wanted to give up and run away. Most of the time I'm able to try to make it through a few days at a time, but occasionally i'll have to give it my all just to make it through another hour.

      Luckily, my relationship with Lily has improved greatly. I would do anything for her and she has become my entire world. I still have problems feeling guilty about my feelings toward her during the first weeks of her life. I try to greet each day with a positive attitude and always think about Lily- even when things get tough for me, she'll always need me.

       Postpartum depression is a scary thing, it's difficult and overwhelming. The support from my Mother, Fiance, and Doctor have helped me make it this far, and I know that with their continued support I'll eventually be back to my normal self.